gosh...think i'm gonna come down wif a nervous breakdown real soon...i cut myself in my sleep last nite..wif my OWN finger nail too...gosh..i ripped the skin rite off on the other hand and found blood all over my finger this morning...*sigh*...i think i'm gonna breakdown real soon..seriously...wif all these problems..pressures..and worries...
man...and i haven't touch any of my skool work yet..i'm in deep shxt here...crap..
sigh..anywaz...dun feel like writing anymore...
the new year is coming...letz hope everything will be better..for everyone...= )...

two weekz of holidays have went by..not enjoying abit of it at all..been kinda "hiding" away..coz of sum ppl. ...so confusing..i'm so freaken confused now...arrghh...and all tired and exhausted from work...been so busy these past dayz at work...
then..bumped into one of my ex. today...fuxk..hez such a liar...i "kick blow" him..him and his stupid LIES...gosh..guys lie all the time...dun trust guys anymore...screw him...not gonna talk to him again..such a loser..a big loser...

Corinne got into a car accident..me SO unhappie seeing her in such a bad shape...tried so hard to hold my tears when i saw her...but couldn't hold it when Jamie n Janice dropped by...it hurts so much when u see sumone whom u care..and whom u consider as a best fren to be in such a bad shape..and..worst of all..u can't do a thing about it except for just sitting there...watching ever so helplessly...*sigh*...i really truely hope she'll be BETTER soon..me so worrie...

alrite..i'm really tired...really really tired...think i'll shower then catch sum sleep...sum good sleep...
nitey..

holidayz officially begin as of NOW...but..how come i'm not even abit excited about it..huh?..*sigh*..well..i know who i'll be hiding from during this holidays..o well..
sigh..okok..alrite.i should REALLY get sum sleep here..

arrghh...alrite..i screwed up my last exam of the year...wat the fuxk man..prof. told us to study those presentation MCs..and...let me see...outta 40 of them..he only put a couple on..wat the..
so exhausted...emotionally and physically...
alrite..me sleeping...

itz been another week since i last wrote..so much happened this past week...*sigh*...
was back in Tor. last Tues...he came to the bus station to pick me up...how nice of him..that smile which shared across both of our faces...can never forget...Ocean's 11 was a good movie..i liked it alot..stayed over at his place for the nite...
Wed..both of us got up pretty late...went to eat our brunch at 5pm..hahaha...then went studying at TH..with his frenz...of whom i met a couple of times before already...then went to Central to "relax" abit...we ate "western fried rice"...it was alrite...= )...after pool/snooker (watz the diff. b/w these two anywaz?)...went to UT d/t to study...he lost his wallet at 7-11..or actually..still not exactly sure where he lost it...got back to his place at like 7am...he decide to rest abit..take a nap at 8...tried waking him up at 9:15...no luck at it...end up falling asleep myself there too...then...stayed at his place to study while he went fix up his cards and stuff...again..went for brunch at like 6pm...then we headed back to TH..but none of us could fully concentrate there...so...UT d/t we go again...another nite at his place...wanted to go home that nite..but he told me to stay..."US" called...i wasn't allow to make a sound...= \....
next morning..got up..drove him to skool...went back to his place to get my phone..(forgetful me)...then home for 5 minutes to change...then headed to work...broke his keychain of his house keys..gosh..i keep on breaking his stuff...he dropped by lata to pick up his keys and car...
who knows?!...US came rite back up that nite...while...i was..back into my *sigh* state...
now...he should be in the US...= (...
i just feel...totally...*speechless*...

so much frustration..yet..can't let it out..
meanwhile..mom n dad totally getting on my nerves...
gosh..gonna blow up real soon...

15 hrz. till my last exam..once again..i feel like if i know nothing...well...i KNOW i know nothing for this exam...i'm in shxt...
15 hrz...maybe i'll nap abit first..i'm exhausted from everything...work..skool...parents...guyz..simply frustrated...
haven't been sleeping much lately..i went thru sum old pix..well..last year's pix...i swear my "black circles" n "eye bags" aren't as dark and as big as now....gosh..i really need sum rest...fix up myself abit...i look totally DEAD...

alrite..ZzzZZzzZz for me...

itz finally MONDAY...another day of boredom...another day of studying..though i didn't get much studying done yet..and itz already 10pm..shxt...15 more hrz. till my exam..and i'm still CLUELESS..sigh..just not in any studying mood...pick up the text..drop it in less than a minute..pick up the pen..drop it in less than 1/2 a minute..pick up a pillow..me ZzZzz in less than 1/2 a second...hahaha...=P...

one more day here...then i think i'm heading home..back to Tor. for awhile..then i'll be back in London again to write my last exam...just wanna get it over wif...seriously sick of studying...gosh...do i miss toronto or wat...

actually..feel like going back to HK for X'mas...just a thought...i know therez no way i'll be back...but to think of it..i haven't spend X'mas in HK for like twelve long years now...i miss the X'mas in HK...all those lights n ppl. in the city..everywhere...so exciting...next year...maybe i'll be spending X'mas in HK next year...who knows?!...

one of my dear sis..Angel was just telling me how shez celebrating her 5th year anniversary wif her bf-Brian...yes..thaz rite!...FIVE YEARS together...they r seriously the LONGEST couple...the STEADIEST couple...the SWEETEST couple i know...i'm sooOooOOo happie for them..i'm just kinda waiting for their wedding rite now...me gonna be one of ur "boon leung".rite, Angel?..hehehe...gosh...dun u wish u got sumone to celebrate ur 5th year anniversary wif?..luckie Angel..no wait...luckier Brian..to have such a loving gf..Angel is seriously one of the niceset and sweetest ppl. i' know...we've known each other since grade 9...so how long has it been?..9..10..11..12..OAC..yr. 1..yr.2...wow..almost EIGHT LONG YEARS!...yup..i'm so glad to have this fren..she makes me PROUD!...= ) ....Angel..me luv u!...hehehe...really..i'm really happie for u both...hope u both will have many more five-years to come in the future..= ) ...

sigh..Angel..me still gotta tell u EVERYTHING that happened in HK..haven't been able to find the time to tell u yet..and when i do see u..therez Brian around..so can't say much..hahaha..j/k..over the break..k?..we'll get together for sure...= ) ...

...Happie 5th year Anniversary to Angel & Brian!....


alrite..back to studying..or atleast try to study...

hehehe...cleaned my room..cleaned my desk...did my laundry...wat else can i do?..hahaha..i'm so desparate here...finding stuff which i normally dun do..so that i can postpone my studying...arggh...well..atleast i wasn't exactly procrastinating and was doing sumting productive..rite?!..hahaha..
wow..my desk is clean..and i can actually find the stuff i am looking for..such as my textbook..hahaha...=P...itz gonna be another hr. until my clothes dry..so..another hour to procrastinate...kekeke...=P...
Sunday..Sunday..Sunday..wonder wat otherz r doing now?!..everyone stuck wif examz..so atleast i'm not the ONLY one studying here...and not having fun...but then..stuck at Western..in London..ahh...rather be stuck in Toronto..
Western was alot of fun the first year...partying..drinking..yes!..this is the place where i started all my drinking..trust me..i'm alot better than before..i can consume alot more alcohol compared to before..ahhahaa..thanx to Western n my first year roomie...MELISSA..boy..do i miss that gal or wat?!...shez so much fun to be wif...she cracks me up all da time..i enjoyed her as my roomie sooOooOOo much..all those stories..all those jokes..all those FUN times...hey!...shez engaged too eh!..wif her lovely bf - Jeff..Jeff is such a great guy..= ) ...miss seeing both of them...man..if Melissa was here...she would be able to come up wif sumthing fun to do..hehehe...= ) ...
hmm...maybe i'll take a short nap now...pick up my laundry..then..yes..i'll start studying...SEVEN chapters..shxt...arrghh...

so i fell back to sleep at like 10am...just got up...hehehe...=P..now gotta get on wif the studying..was planning to head back to skool..but nahh...think i'll just stay home..too lazy to leave the house..plus..itz COLD out there...
so yes..i MUST get to my studying...haven't been to this Program and Policy Evaluation class AT ALL..so i'm missing ALL those lecture notes..so all i'm relying on is the textbook..shxt...*sigh*..y did i skip all those classes?..damnit..crap crap crap...too late now...shxt...arrghh...think i gotta memorize everything in the book then...in order to atleast pass this freaken exam...
y do i feel like having icecream AGAIN?..icecream for lunch?..hmm...but itz vanilla icecream again..plus...itz not really icecream...itz ICE + ICECREAM..think itz been in the fridge for abit too long...wait...is there expiry dates on icecream?...

alrite...alrite...no more procrastination..no more icq...no more dozing off...no more naps...no more ICECREAM n letz just get on wif the studying plz...but wait...hehehe...think i should clean clean my desk n room first...itz quite messy..n...hahhaa...i dunno where my textbook is...errr...=P...

LOOK!...i got the time zone fixed on ma pagez...woOHoOoo..hahhaa...= )

alrite...7:30am..ignore that published time at the bottom..been trying to get the rite time zone on there..but not having any luck at all...so yes...7:30am..been up for an hour..and wat the heck am i doing up?..who knows?...i'm wondering myself too...crap...woke up all of a sudden and now can't fall back to sleep..and even worse..i'm eating ICECREAM...wat the...ahhhh....icecream for breakfast...well...been a LONG while since i had BREAKFAST...hahaha...=P...but still icecream?!...fuxk...vanilla icecream...arrgh...me feel like having sum greentea or redbean icecream instead....or chocolate would do...but nope..stuck wif vanilla...*sigh*...or no wait...Sesame icecream would be GOOD...boy do i feel like going across the street to Max's rite now and buying a bucket of icecream rite now...

so itz Sunday morning...early Sunday morning...ususally...at this time...i'm 1/2 winged...trying to get sum sleep...but can't coz i'm either puking my head off or watching tv (alcohol still working n won't let me sleep)...hahahha...so yes..no wonder i'm UP...i've gotta so used to being up at this time...=P...

wow..first wknd since skool started WITHOUT alcohol..i'm PROUD...hahaha...two more dayz stuck at Western..then heading back home for abit...can't wait...it just totally sux when ur stuck here..especially when ur stuck here STUDYING too...

so yes..Saturday nite..stuck in the boring old London..this really sux...stuck here..no fun at all..meanwhile.."sumone" kept on telling me to "come out lah"...=P...i wish i could..but i'm stuck here...i swear..if i got a car rite now..i'll be on ma way out...but damnit..i dun have a car..so..yes..stuck here...
feel like scribbling sumthing down..yet..dunno wat to write..arghh..me sick...had a fever..but now itz gone..= )..woohoo...but then...the lump hurts..damnit...
December 8th..another year is about to go by...time just passes by so quickly...didn't spend much time home this year...Jan. to April..was pretty much stuck in Western...didn't go home much..then headed straight back to HK for three long painful months..well..i liked it there..i really enjoyed my trip back...everything was fun..learned alot..saw alot..met alot of great ppl. yet..this ONE PERSON just had to screw it at the end...*sigh*...o well...itz the past...then..headed rite back to Western for skool...go back to Tor. every wknd to work..but then..even though i'm in Tor. ...i dun stay at home...*sigh*...i think i can COUNT how many dayz i've spend at home this year..i'm serious...=P...gotta spend more time wif ma familie n at home...and i think this coming holidays would be a great time for it...= ) ...

who in the world came up wif text msg. thru cell phones..huh?...as if icq wasn't bad enuf...arrghh...icq when i'm home...n now ..text msg. wherever i go...NOT GOOD...hahhaa...yes...text msg. in classes..during lectures..and even in examz...(n NO..i dun use it to cheat..=P..though it is a great idea..isn't it?!..hahaha)...man..can't live wifout icq...now i can't live wifout text msg. too...ahhh...

alrite..time to...hmm...sleep...no wait..gotta study abit first...tomolo's gonna be another FULL day of studying and i'm planning to head back to skool to do it..coz simply..i can't study at home...too much distraction...though therez only icq...but...thaz already enuf of a distraction for me...= \
alrite...going...

back again...all of a sudden..me thinking of ma frenz...ever since i came to Western...been busy wif skool and other stuff..and haven't really been seeing my frenz anymore..especially my TRUE frenz...i miss all of u...life hasn't been easy for me for the past year...especially this year...especially this summer...went thru alot this summer...and trust me..felt like the whole world was falling apart on me..when ur stuck in HK all alone...and all ur true frenz 1/2 a world away from u...

Corinne - ur an amazing fren..u've been there for me all these years...we r so alike in so many different ways...especially wif guys,eh?!...i'm so glad to have u by me whenever i need..u never fail on me...= )...ur one true fren to have...luv u wif all ma heart...

Angel - my best sis...though we dun see/talk to each other as often anymore...u can still understand me so much and know wat i'm going thru...when we do get together and talk...we can REALLY talk eh?!...ur sumone who i can alwaz trust and depend on...i miss u so much...wish we can hang around each other like we used to in highskool...sumtimes i really think ur the "ga jeh" instead of me eh?...ur so much more mature then ME..miss u and luv u...

AnnAnn - another sis and fren...wait...ma best sis and fren...we hardly see each other anymore...yet we r still very close...= ) ...i'm glad...i know i have u by me whenever i'm in trouble...i miss those dayz when we talk...write letters...and hang out together...this coming 22nd b-day...we MUST celebrate together alrite?...luv u...

haha..so yea..i only got three true frenz..so wat?..hahaha...not saying that my other frenz ain't true and ain't my frenz...but these three mentioned above have been a BIG part of my life...they have proved to me wat true frenship is all about...plus..u dun need much true frenz...one is actually enuf..and me?..i got THREE!..luckie me..yup..i consider myself as a luckie person...to have three important and loving ppl. who care about me..= ) ...my other frenz r just as important...but sumtimes..u really wonder whether they r really being ur frenz or just using u...trust me..have had past experience wif sum ppl. who i thought r frenz..but end up lying to u and hurting u...*sigh*...if i decide to become a fren to sumone...i give my heart and my honesty out...just dunno how sum ppl. can be so "fake"...was talking to my god-bro. earlier this week...telling me to becareful out there...to becareful wif the ppl. u hang around wif...hez rite..wif the world changing like now...ppl. r becoming more selfish and evil...= (....

once again..wanna say thanx to all those frenz who've been by me all these years...esp. the three mentioned above...me luv u all...
wait..one more person to thank...my dear sis..Karen...
yup...shez the BEST sis anyone could have...i know i've been a pain karen...to make u do stuff and this and that and make u mad at times..but u know me...hehhee...=P...member to study hard this year...and member me LOVE u lotz...really LOTZ...ur the BEST sis anyone can ask for...dunno wat i'll do without u...(just imagine..me stuck wif joey)..hahhaa...*muah*..luv u...i know ur definitely sumone who can and will never let me down...rite?!....= ) ...

itz Friday..and yes..i'm in London..first Friday stuck at Western..so not used to it..normally..i'll be back in Tor. and getting ready to go out and have sum fun and get drunk...damnit..stuck here this whole wknd...i miss Toronto..and i miss...well...everyone...
Holidays r coming..not exactly looking forward to it...couple of frenz going back to HK...so they won't be around to have fun wif me...and then...sum ppl. who i know will be heading back to Toronto...*sigh*...which means..i'll have to "step-away" for awhile..a long while i guess...wat the hell?!..i know this is coming..yet i still fall into this "trap"...

"will miss you ga..."
"miss having you around..."

wat do those all mean?...to me?...to him?...gosh...u know..i dun think i can stand this any longer...yup..dun think i will be able to handle it for long...either me gonna ditch away from it...or that i'm gonna fall even deeper into it...crap...wat to do?...wat to do?...HELP...= \

hmm..itz THURSDAY...first thursday that i'm staying at Western...*sigh*...and kinda sick too..shxt...not good...so yea..stuck here for the wknd...sux sux sux...wanna be back in Toronto so bad...
sigh...gonna be here for another FIVE dayz before i head back...sux...
alrite..time to study...*sigh*...

..aiyah..wat the heck is going on?!...can sumone PLZ tell me watz going on?!...arrghh...
well..talked to the counsellor today...so happie...so i find out i still stand a chance of graduating in April...thought i'll have to do summer skool...but then..that would REALLY mean that i MUST work HARD HARD HARD next sem..shxt...arrghh...
hmm...so...yea...*sigh*...gosh...y am i feeling so confused?...one simple answer...GUYS...hahahha...=P...yup...guys r EVIL man...they say girls r EVIL..i say GUYS r MORE EVIL...agree?!...= ) ..hehe..

alrite..time to study...*member..u wanna graduate in April Yvonne..so get to the studying!*...

hmm..another week..another wknd..came back to Western a day late this time..hehehe..=P..simply didn't feel like coming back and face examz yet..
but HEY!..i didn't go drinking much this wknd...now..aren't u guys all proud of me then?..kekee...=P...went to this wine bar in D/T..wow..wat a nice place..so relaxing..luv it there...worked on essays for a couple of nitez wif frenz..NOT my essay..fren's essay..hehhee...then..there was a nite of drinking..but didn't drink much..so that was alrite...but..woah...thurs. fri. sat. sun AND mon. was pure playing and having fun...hahahah..=P...and now that i'm back at Western..i feel like heading back already...and itz only bee like wat?...5 hrz. since i came back?...man..i was so close to heading back...damn it..no more bus..so i'm stuck here..shxt...=P...

i liked this wknd...had fun..had relaxed..had enjoyed myself back in Toronto...though ONE BAD thing was that i didn't spend much time wif ma family..i know..me haven't been home much and thaz not good...NOT GOOD at all...and i did go my sis mad on Sun. nite too..i felt SO bad...= ( ..sorrie Karen...u know i didn't mean to yell at u rite?..= ) ...
alrite..i'm tired...

letz recap from last week on my much sleep i actually got...since last mon.
Mon. - 2 hrz.
Tues.- 0 hrz.
Wed. - 3 hrz.
Thurs. - 2 hrz.
Fri. - 3 hrz.
Sat. - 3 hrz.
Sun. - 3 hrz.
Mon. - 5 hrz.
hahaha..so thaz like wat?...21 hrz. of sleep for the week...HAHHAHA..no wonder i look sOooooOOoo "chann" and dead dead lah..=P..alrite..me gotta catch up on my sleep...