so yes..as i was writing before...an exhausting wknd...
thurs. was alrite..i think..dun member wat i did already..anywaz...
fri...went to P-mall to order my COLOURED conz..woohoo..but shxt man..they won't be here till like 12 weekz lata..thaz like THREE long flippin' monthz..damnit..then..met up wif a couple of frenz...went to try out ma fren'z home-made dessert..*hmhm good*...then korean BBQ..*hmmhmm good* again..then P1 wif a few ppl. then "tong sui"...*hmmhmm good* again..hahah..then back to BeerBoy for drinkz..arrghh..=P...yea yea...alcohol...shxt..
sat..for the first sat. since i got back from HK..i DID NOT have to go to work..was feeling so free n happie...ok..went to a meeting..then..then..then..bored..n waited for ppl. to call for the nite's plan...this one doesn't wanna go there..that one didn't wanna go there...blah blah blah..took us awhile to figure out where to head to...so..yes..back to BeerBoy..but then didn't stay there for long...went to a frenz place for "MJ"..then "siu yea"...didn't get home till 5 in the morning...
sun..didn't get up till like 2pm..hahhaa..worked abit on my skool stuff..but..wasn't concentrating at all..so moved myself to a frenz place and tried working at his place instead..abit better..haha..got abit done..then..dinner off we went..then it was back to my frenz place for more skool work...
Mon..hmm..called to wake him up...was suppose to renew his passport..he end up sleeping in...went to L&S class wif him again...then to P-mall to pick up a few things..then to a frenz work place...was gonna head back to London that nite...but..geez...there were two devils wif me...persuading me to stay..even checked the greyhound buses for me..geez..so yes..i end up staying..went to another York class..which was boring..really boring..then to dinner..then to his place for the nite..
Tues..we both had a hard time waking up..hahhaa..suppose to leave at 7am..but..haha..we both didn't get up till like wat...9?!...his alarm went off for an hour...i just couldn't manage to get up and turn it off for him...then we were both struggling to get up in his bed...he wouldn't wake up..haha..but at last he did..n i end up taking over his spot in his bed..hahaha...ok..then..finished my critical review..then he came back...from work...then...more sleep for me..i was just so tired...then..oohh...headed back to Western that nite...
Hehehe..he bought dinner for me from the station...aww..so thoughtful of him...

but..hm...thought i wasn't suppose to stay over at his place anymore?!...hmm...he broke the RULES sumone had set for him..HAHHA...
so yea..Wed. nite...he called at like 3am...after he claimed to be drunk at BeerBoy..aiyah..y called me?!..outta all those ppl. he could have called?..hmm...hmm..
o well..
i dunno wat i'm doing ... n i dun think he does also....

wow..been awhile since i last wrote..hmm..been an exhausting wknd...all i did was went out n have fun again...wait..too tired to write...write tomolo..
just exhausted here to stay up any longer...

hm..so another day went by..nothing much happened...
getting "distant" wif him these couple of days..i dunno if thaz wat i wanted..maybe itz a good thing..maybe itz a bad thing..dunno..
so..do i still want to go on wif wat i plan to do?..is it the rite thing to do?..gosh..i dunno..i honestly dunno..sumone tell me wat i should do plz..sumone plz help.. = (

another day..another day...missed my morning class AGAIN..was just too tired to get up...and then...he called to wake me up...hmm...sounded so nice on the phone...aiyah...so..i mean...first thing he gets up...he thought of me n called me...should i be happie or wat?..sigh...o well...
feeling sick these days coz the lump hurts...sigh...
well..finally got my writing assignment in...woohoo...watz next?..LOTZ more readings n LOTZ more essays...crap..

i dunno eh...he asked me if i still care about him?...i think i do...but in wat way though?...i'm so unsure now that he asked...do i still care for him like the way i used to?...man i dunno...but i miss talking to him...i wonder how he is at times too...

so yea..another wknd in Tor...wat makes this one abit special was the fact that it was my LAST wknd working!..woohoo!...but then...my stupid bitchy boss just had to pissed me off...even on the LAST day..damnit...= \....o well..itz all over..dun have to put up wif her bitchy non-sense n attitudes no more...yeah!...
gosh..i need sum sleep..slept for like a couple of hrz. in total last nite...searching for articles...and for the LONGEST time..i made it back to Western and went to my 1pm class today...wow...=)...
well..i dunno..but my wknd started off pretty bad...all started wif my ride back to Tor...i totally wasn't enjoying it...had to deal wif sumone's attitude..and coz of this person..i'm coming down wif a cold...a bad headache...dunno if it was her or me...but...i definitely find her giving me sum rude looks and attitudes...n i didn't like it at all...
met up wif sum ppl. over this wknd...met a few new ppl...it was alrite...Sat. nite was good..wif NO alcohol involved..actually..my wknd can be considered as peaceful..hahaha..as there was no alcohol watsoever...= ) ...

i dunno..i'm confused here...sumtimes..u really dunno wat to do..n wat not to do..i'm so tempted to do sumthing...yet i know i shouldn't..or wait..i know i should?!...i dunno...depends if i wanna be mean n cruel or nice n angelic..hahaha...n know wat?..i just realized how SELFISH sum girls r...geez...i'm a girl myself..n i know i can be real selfish at times...but trust me..this girl..is SELFISH..i see it..i see everything about her...being a selfish little bitxh n using n hurting my fren..gosh..n the things is that..my fren will most likely be falling for it...sigh..dunno..

so yea..i've set my goal..n so far today..i think i'm meeting it..hahaa..
still very undecisive here wif wat to do...tattoos on my lower back?..or belly piercing?...or doing my hair?...or getting coloured conz?...hmm...thaz wat u get when ur "dor sum"...wanting to do everything..so here i am..getting nothing done...hahaha...n yes..thaz wat u get when ur "dor sum" wif guys too..ur most likely gonna end up can't choose n not getting anyone...

1/2 a year had gone by...can't believe how fast time flies...still member how upset..how messed up i was 1/2 a year ago...i thought i would never get over wat happened...i mean...seriously..i was breaking down emotionally...so upset that i cut my trip in HK short n came back to Tor. early...but now...1/2 a year had gone by...n i'm better...wif frenz stucking close by n supporting me..they make me feel important once again n made me realize that i have other reasons to live for...my life ain't all about him...he was part of my life n still is..but..i've learned to let go n move on...can't expect life to alwaz go the way u want..n when things dun seem to be going ur way...u must learn to deal wif it...if itz sumthing good...*smile* about it...treasure the memories...if itz sumthing bad...learn from it...can't rewrite history..so learn from it n live wif it...for this is wat i've learned to do...

found out my little sis broke up wif her bf..well..i'm proud of her in a way..she realized that itz time to let go..n she did...i should really learn from her..coz amazingly..my little sis n her ex. r still REALLY good frenz...= )...my little sis has grown up so much..member the days when i get into fights wif her...but now..we get along great...we have things to talk about...n we even go out sumtimes together...hahhaa...

relationships can be really frustrating n confusing at times...but if u know how to deal wif them...even bad ones can turn out good at times...life is all about experiencing n learning..rite?...= )...just know when to let go..n when not to give up...if u believe in urself n trust ur decisions...ur life will never go wrong n things will turn out just fine...

as of now..i'm pretty *empty*...kinda lost in sum ways...skool..work...guys...but...i guess...as time goes..i'll eventually know wat to do...or atleast..letz hope so...hahha...but then..i'm happie..in a way...n i'm satisfied wif how things r...things can be better...but..as of now...things r alrite...= )...have a bunch of great frenz wif me who luvs me...n a family who supports me...= )...

i confess..i'm still pretty screwed up in sum ways...wanna do sumthing..yet..i dunno how abouts i should do it..or i mean..still trying to figure out if i should even do it..i'll be risking alot if i do decide to do it..but then...ahh...i just...ahh..dunno how to say it...

ppl. r selfish when it comes to life...atleast a majority of us...=P...we wanna keep the nice..good stuff to ourselves or atleast try to keep it to ourselves...was talking to a good fren earlier...we admit to each other that...yes...we r selfish ppl...*sigh*..i guess thaz wat the world is all about...so we must gotta watch out for ourselves...know how to protect ourselves from getting hurt...i have been feeling "used" by sumone lately..but..aiyah..i dunno...o well...i think i know wat i'm doing...

yes!..made it to another class for the week..yup..so proud of myself..now..2 more classes to go tomolo...n i must go to both of them..= )...
hmm..was just thinking over wat one of my fren predicted/suspected...itz either one of us...never the two of us at the same time..itz either me or her...n the choice is on him..not on me...me just sumone whoz waiting to be "called"...waiting to be "hurt"...waiting to realize wat a jerk he is...*sigh*...
gotta go online in like 20 min. to a chat room for this online course...wow..wat fun...

AHHH!..i missed this morning's class..crap crap crap..i just couldn't get up for it...alrite..i promise..today will be the LAST day i'm gonna miss this class..i need to go to that class..i need to do well in this course..can't manage to skip anymore of this class..actually..of ANY class...hehee...went to the afternoon's class though..boy!..proud of maself...haha..then..was so tired...end up heading back home to sleep...hahaha...woke up n realized i missed my nite class..crap!...
went out to dinner wif a fren from Tor..he drove by London..he was heading down to Detroit for the car show...wow..i wish i can miss class just like him...wahhaha...=P...so yea...hmm...
sumthing kinda werid went on tonite too..but...naah..won't say it here..hahha..ok..got sum readings to do...

..let see..wat did i do over the wknd lei?...hmm...Sat. nite...went to play Monopoly..haha..yes!..MONOPOLY (star wars edition)...hahah..n it was FUN!...then..headed down to D/T...to a wine bar..it was NICE..then..we waited at a frenz place for DOUNTS!...yes..DOUNTS!..(a nite full of werid n unexpected things to do)...not just regular donuts though...donuts from that missausaga place which just opened up...they were DELICIOUS!..i swear i haven't had such good donuts before...then..didn't get home till..oh geez..dun member lu...but..yea..i was dead tired that nite...
then Sunday..went to work..didn't care wat i was doing at work though..haha..coz...i'm QUITTING...wohhoo...yes....can't take that bitch anymore..will be working for my LAST wknd this coming week...YES!...then..went down to D/T again for the nite after eating dinner wif a couple of frenz..met sum new ppl. from York...
then..Monday..went to S&L class wif Derek at York..haha..i think a couple of ppl. who i just met on Sunday nite were surprised to see me there again..hahaa...=P...i'm becoming a p-t student at York...=P...so yes..now back at Western...n really tired...

was talking to one of my sis tonite..hmm..she told me things...which helped me in my decision of even staying farther away from this guy...glad i know more of how he really is...i dunno...*sigh*..i know i should be staying away from him..yet...i do things which contradicts to wat i think...crap!...

got an email from a long-lost fren tonite..i was SO happie...really happie to hear from him...i thought he dun member me anymore..but found out that hez been trying to get a hold of me throughout first sem. but he got my email address wrong...hehe..n i changed my cell #..so there was no way he could have got in touch wif me...gosh i miss this guy...miss talking to him sOooOo much ah...= ) ...

alrite..got 9am class tomolo..crap!..can't miss it...so...bed i go...

ahh..crap..skipped another class..ahh..no more skipping..i promise!..= )...i'll be a good gal...yes yes...NO MORE SKIPPING...
so back out in Tor...was gonna stay home tonite..but went out anywaz...did sum "doke" ball..well..me LEARNING how to "doke" ball..hahaha..got to meet up a fren who i haven't seen for a LONG time..n really surprised that he still members me..hehhee..= )..crazy how ppl. end up knowing each other..never thought i would see/talk to this guy again..= )..
so..even though therez really nothing b/w us...another fren is still making jokes about it..ahh..not good..*sigh*..
man..i've already broke one of my new year's resolution..crap!..aiyah..alrite..breaking one is enuf..gotta sumhow keep the rest..
so many ppl. i know r having problems these days..including myself..*sigh*...dim suen?!..hope everything will be better for everyone soon lah..so yes!..decided not to go to Loo's dance..though i want to..but..aiyah..can't ah..really got lotza skool stuff to do..arrghh..but i wanna see ppl. at Loo though..this sux..yeeya..= (..guess..i'll just have to wait till my reading week to be back at Loo lu...
ok..time to get sum rest..work tomolo..n gotta be up at 9 to wake up sumone..
Nitey = )

thanx to sumone..i was able to get up this morning for my 9am class...thanx Derek!...*muaah*..hehehe...thaz so funnie though..u got up just to wake me up..then i called u like 3 hrz. lata to wake u up...we can get up to wake each other up..yet we seem to be having trouble waking ourselves up..haha...
u can never wake urself up..yet..ur able to get up to wake me up..and..same thing for me...we r just two little weirdos..eh?!..hehe..

so yes..went to my FIRST 9am class of this semester...gosh..that class is BORING!..me not joking..it seriously is BORING...Juvenile Deliquency...u can just figure out how much fun this class is...spend the whole hr. talking about...uhh...shxt.i forgot already...oh anywaz..but...shxt..knowing that i have to get up every Tues. n Thurs. for this class..makes me...*sigh*...wanna drop this course..but i know i can't...and i MUST go to all of the classes...(which means..me ain't going to Loo for their CSA dance afterall now)...i better find a GOOD way to get up...surprised at how much ppl. got early classes...the bus stop was packed wif ppl. n the buses of course was packed also...wow...that made me feel better..so many ppl. have to get up for classes too..me ain't alone..hahhaa..=P..i was so sleepy on the bus that i hit sumone's arm when i was getting off with my face...haha..boy, did i felt kinda stupid...arrghh...

to think about it...if i do really graduate in April...i only got a few more months left here...hehhee..wooOHoo..itz not that i dun like it here..i just prefer to be in Tor. or sumwhere closer to Tor. now...Western is FAR...wanna be closer to my frenz n familie...closer to home...
alrite..i was so close to staying at skool to wait for my 1pm class...then..i was thinking to myself...wait da minute..my class ain't at 1..itz at TWO..duhh!..hahhaa...i would have felt really stupid if i stayed at skool n end up going to class at 1..hahaha...and then..i forgot my locker's combination too..shxt...can't get my locker open loh!...just great!...see wat the holidays do to u?...u forget EVEYTHING...arrhh..sumhow.i have to figure out the lock's combo...or else...hmm...my stuff will be stuck there forever...

...know wat?!...feel like writing to several ppl. here...
Angel - hey sis..sorrie!..end up didn't take photo cards wif u last time after bubbletea..sorrie!..aiyah..next time for sure..alrite?!..n letz hope we dun have to wait for another 1/2 year or so to get together...i had lotz to tell u that nite..but sumhow..nothing was coming out..i was just so confused..didn't know wat to tell u..yet..i know i can tell u EVERYTHING..coz i can trust u..yet..ahh..nothing was coming out...*sigh*...ur back at Loo this term...hope ur enjoying it there so far...i'll visit u this term..during my reading week..k?..me will come n visit u..n prob. will be staying wif u for a couple of days..that is..if u dun mind..alritey?..hehehe...= )...me really miss ya...truly wish i can talk to u like how we used to back in highskool...member how we can never stop talking in class?!..wish we could do that now...

Edward (ah gor)- bad ah gor u r!...=P..yea yea..i know ur busy wif ur stuff..n ur GF..geez..but still..seem like u've forgot about this ah mui here eh?!...= (...*hmmph*...me mad..hahaha..kidding...i know i haven't been the best ah mui too..haven't been able to find time for u...so letz just say..we r busy wif our own lives that we r not doing a good job at being ah gor n ah mui lah...=P...alrite..this year..u better be a better ah gor...n i promise i'll be a better ah mui too...we drifted apart so much in year 2001..sux...i know...started when i went back to HK...n was all busy n fuxked up wif my own stupid problems...sorrie..but u gotta promise to give more times for this ah mui too ah..alrite?...= )...yes?..good...good good ah gor...

Ricky - hmm..wat to say to u?..u n that shocking surprised look of urz when i saw u at Pacific the other day...u lied, didn't u?..well...u know it..i know it...kinda disappointed in u eh...wait no..VERY disappointed in u...y lied to me?..itz not like therez still anything b/w us...we r frenz still..or atleast i thought we were...watz the pt. for lying to me?...*sigh*...

Nikki - itz been really fun getting to know u..know ur going thru sum rough times now..but me know ur a smart boy..u'll be able to handle it...ur so silly and funnie at times...i'm serious..u alwaz crack me up...hahaha...u n ur "14 heung"..hahhaa..i know i really only see u when we go out to eat n drink...letz hope we'll hang out wif each other more at OTHER occassions..alrite?...ur a fun person to be around wif...= )

Jacky - yea yea..laugh all u want at me!..hahaha..gosh..i think i've done enuf stupid things for u to laugh at for a LONG time..eh?..just like Nikki..ur so much fun to be around wif...hahhaa...letz hope i'll have the chance to get to know u better too..alrite?...

Derek - i'll alwaz be ur alarm clock..n u'll alwaz be my weatherman...= ) ...

so finally..i went to SKOOL today..to CLASSES today..boy, do i feel proud or wat?!..hahaha...can't believe how fast things r going back to "normal" b/w me and him...i dunno..i'm still confused in alot ways..but for now...i can't do anything..or..i dun wanna do anything...i guess..ahh...i dunno..i dunno...
so..new term..i promised myself to work harder..and not gonna skip classes..and shxt...i've already started off by skipping two important classes...*sigh*...now..next question..should i be going to Loo's dance next Wed.?..ahhh..i dunno..if i go..i'll be missing two days of skool AGAIN..no good..plus i got this killer presentation coming up...ahh..dun think i'll be going then..but then..i wanna go..ahhh..

i dunno..i'm kinda surprised at how fast i changed...i mean..my attitude towards him...i think hez surprised too...sunday nite..i was still totally avoiding him...wouldn't say anything..n i was dying to leave...a few hrz. lata..we were already text messaging each other like how we used to..and yea..by the next day..we were out together...picking me up at my place..going for food...going to York..to his S&L classes...going to his place...watching Full House...ahh...wat the...
aiyah..o well..i guess i'm glad n happie to be back this way...or else..i'll be bored to death w/o his text messages while i'm back at Western gei...

wanna thank him for his card..kinda surprise to get it..never expected it...both of our cards were pretty late in getting to each other..hahahha..he likes the key chain i got him..me happie..n hez using it too..hehehe..= )..well..i broke his..so..had to get one back for him..nothing special...no special meaning to it gei...=P

the couple of times i saw him..i admit..i was completely avoiding him..didn't say a thing to him..didn't even look at him..and hahaha..he noticed it too...he was questioning me y...so..i guess...in a way..he did care...*sigh*...

...i'm glad to have a good fren back into my life..i have thoughts about loosing him...but then..i know i would "ng sair duk" gei...ok..me satisfy with how things r rite now...i mean..no other choice for me to choose from anywaz...so yea...i'll just live wif wat i got now...

*sigh*..back at Western..back in London...really sux..2nd term of skool starting already..can't believe it..holiday went by so quickly..but then..i guess i'm glad it went by so fast..coz honestly..i wasn't exactly enjoying it much..

sunday nite...was going by so slow..in the car wif him...i was simply dying to get home..and he was making me talk along the entire way..he wants to know...y i haven't been talking to him...y i haven't been seeing him...yea..i was avoiding him pretty much...but..thaz the only thing i can do in order to try to forget about everything...well...i end up not saying a thing...i had alot in mind and wanted to tell all so badly..so i know..if i say anything..it would screw up everything...which i didn't want...i treasure the frenship we both shared..and he said the same...so...better for me to just keep quiet...i guess...maybe lata..when everything had settled and cooled down..i'll tell him wat had been happening all along...
for now..things r ok..back to talking again..and back to spending quality-fren time together...like yesterday...going back to wat we used to do...things seem to be alrite..and i'm glad...but..yet..i know..i wouldn't be as "comfortable" with him as before...
o well..have to call a fren to comfort him...write again lata...

3 days of the year 2002 have gone by already..and..well..let say..i'm not liking it alot so far..things hopefully will get better...
saw two of my sis the other nite..just went for BubbleTea..(wow..wat a NORMAL nite..no alcohol involved)..kinda told Angel wat has been happening to me..got alot more to tell her..but just dunno how...u know..well.u got so much to say sumtimes u dunno how to say them...and yes, Angel..i'll be staying off those "taken" guys..i learned my lesson..in the hard way..so happie to see Shirl..haven't seen her for like a year..= )...her sis got married...so happie for her..
got my haircut...not used to it..well..itz not like supershort..but used to having long long hair...thaz all...now itz long...wif streaks..everyone says it look nice..hahahah...
saw another bunch of frenz last nite..i dunno if itz me or them..but..there were a couple of them who i just dun have anything to say to...= (...it was kinda werid...and i was in a rush to leave..didn't "bubletea" wif them..
sigh..i dunno...
ahh...i really hope things will get better...itz the NEW YEAR..i want sumthing NEW and REFRESHING...= )...

...Happie New Year!...Happie 2002!...

can't believe itz the new year already..time flew by so quickly this year..but then at times..seemed like times were dragging..and never ending...
started off the year staying at Western mostly..didn't head home much...other than the reading week and chinese new year..that was it..then...decided to head back to HK for a few months..then was back in Tor..but then..didn't stay home much either...
thinking back..i think i made alot of mistakes this year..and now having lotza regrets..
first..it was guys..yes..guys..guys..guys..had to decide either to stay in Tor. and be wif one guy..or going back to HK for another...i choose HK..and i totally regret it..well..i guess..if it wasn't for the trip back..i'll never find out wat he is REALLY like...good lesson learned..
but then..made alot of ppl. in HK..and i had alot of fun..especially Ken Jai..missed this guy so much...but then..kinda got lost in touch wif him now...
then once i was back in Tor...i was pure partying and drinking every wknd...not good at all..and by doing that..i got into a few messes wif guyz again..crap...*sigh*...alcohol...can screw u up pretty badly..
still member that one time when i got SUPER drunk at Monop...well..i think those who came to saved me that nite still member...Kent..King..Derek..Nikki..Sally..Ah Bo...Carmen..thanx!..it was a fun nite for u all too..rite?..watching me going all crazy...i made a big fool of myself that nite..and they r STILL laughing about it...hahhaa..
it was also this year that i realized how important frenz r..esp. true frenz..sum frenz come and go..but there r alwaz sum who will be around whenever u need...i admit..there r sum frenz who i haven't spend much time wif..and i know i should...promise this year..i'll do that...= ) ...

Overall..the year of 2001 was not a good year for me...negatives more than positives...sadness more than happiness...tears more than laughters...*sigh*..but..itz the past now..itz a brand new year..n i'm gonna start fresh..= )...
forgive and forget about the bad things...

now..letz start off by...hehhee...
1. tattoo...=P
2. loosing all that weight i gained after i came back to HK...=P
3. forgetting about all those "losers" of the past...
4. no more skipping classes
5. no more drinking 4 nites in a row
6. enuf wif the ear piercings
7. spend more time at home wif ma familie
8. getting more rest n sleep
9. STUDY!
10. to become a better ME!